Trek Women
July 29, 2008

I MAY BECOME A VENTRILOQUIST

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So far this has been a fantastic summer for riding.  For a mother of 4 that works part-time and is with her kids the other 75% of the time, I get out pretty often.  I am very fortunate to have a supportive Loveman and friends that allow me the time to get out and ride.

Even though I have been riding quite a bit I am still packing on the pounds.  Since the beginning of the summer I have gained eight pounds.  Yep, that's a pound a week.  At least I'm consistent, right?  Bottom line, I am really enjoying my summer and I have lost my ability to just say no.  "Susan, would you like a few cookies?"  "Sure"  "Susan, would you like a second helping?"  "Sure"  "Susan, would you like dog liver on a cracker?"  "Sure"  It doesn't matter what it is, I just never pass up an opportunity to eat.  I love it way to much.

Lately I've been thinking about having my jaws wired shut.  I'm sure I would figure out ways to get food through the wire but I bet it would slow me down.  It would just be temporary, you know, maybe a month or two.  Hell, it might even help correct my overbite.  Whatever the case, I bet I could shed a few pounds. 

I just read a report published by researchers at UCLA that ninety percent of people who have their jaws wired shut for more than 30 days eventually pursue ventriloquism as a hobby or career.   Dr. Phillip Meyers, lead researcher on the UCLA study, reported that people from every walk of life and ethnic descent, when forced to try to communicate with their jaws wired shut, inevitably tend to develop both an aptitude for and interest in ventriloquism.  Basically, for every broken jaw that's out there, there's a person whose inner ventriloquist is about to come out.

Though known little for his skills as a ventriloquist, entertainer Don Rickles learned to speak without moving his lips after having his mouth wired shut for a broken jaw given to him by a heckler.  Hmmmm...this might be the boost in my career that I really needed.

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