I COUGH THEREFORE I PEE

Welcome to winter and the cold and flu season.  Just for the record, I am not a complainer BUT I have had a cold like I have never had before.  I feel as though there is a small elf tickling my throat with a feather and another elf filling my lungs with the greenest gooiest chewiest phlegm I have ever seen.

Because my body is being attacked by elves I have this constant ever present cough.  It is rough and deep and when I cough I feel it all the way down to my toes.  My entire being rattles.  My cough comes anytime, anywhere.  I get it when I am mid-conversation or when I am taking a sip of water or in the middle of a workout.  It appears without any warning and is hard to get rid of.  Often times it includes a small amount of spewing.  

The worst part of it is once I get into a full on coughing fit I can't help but pee myself.  Yep, I cough therefore I pee.  I've had four children and my muscles down there are completely shot.  I've got nothing.  Zip.  Zero.  Zilch.  What can I say?  I've tried all the womanly exercises and they've not helped a bit.

So I gotta do something other than peeing in my pants everyday and I'm clearly to old (or too young) for diapers.  What do I do?  You got it, I go the pantyliner route and when I go spinning or cycling I never have to worry because all of my cycling shorts have the multipurpose pad. 

Now the good thing about having this cough is that I have minimized my trips to the bathroom on any given day.  It works out nicely because with 4 children I never really had a lot of time to go to the restroom anyway. 

You get it?  It's all how you look at things?  Being attacked by elves is actually saving me time in the long run.  God, I love this cold!

Posted by Susan on November 30, 2008 in Woman on the Rag | Permalink | Comments (1)

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